Home Accompanied
by Swing123
Summary: Parody of the movie, HOME ALONE. After Calvin's parents accidently leave Calvin at home when setting out for a campng trip, Calvin and Hobbes enjoy the freedom of being home alone. Until the burglers ruin their fun. Please R&R!
1. Summer Tradition

_Swing123: Well, here it is. I've finally decided to post a new story for Fanfiction. I haven't completed this story, yet. I'm about four chapters into it, and I hope to keep it going for abou ten instead of the usual twenty._

_Also, you might be wondering how on Earth Mom and Dad could possibly leave Calvin at home, accidently. Not to worry, I have a plan for that.

* * *

_

It was a regular summer morning in the Calvin and Hobbes household.

Calvin leaped out of bed, woke everyone within a two mile radius with his loud "Summer rocks" screech, raced downstairs, poured out some Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs into the biggest bowl he could find, poured chocolate milk into it, sprinkled three spoonfuls of sugar onto it, raced into the livingroom with it, spilling some milk on the way, switched on the TV, changed it to Nickelodeon, and began gobbling that heart stopping cereal in front of Spongebob.

In that same amount of time, Hobbes had managed to get out of bed, and reach the third stair going down.

Amazing what one can accomplish in 30 seconds if he uses chocolate milk in his cereal.

By the time Hobbes reached the TV, Calvin was already on his second bowl of cereal.

"Anything good on?" he yawned, sitting down next to Calvin.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"Hobbes, You really have to do something to wake yourself up in the morning, or else all the good shows will be over by the time you reach the bottom of the stairs."

"I'll start drinking coffee in a few years." Hobbes said.

Calvin turned back to the TV.

"Bet that wears off a lot faster than Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs."

"Mmm-hmmm." Hobbes muttered. "Could you please stop vibrating like that? You're going to shake me off the chair."

"Oh Sorry." Calvin said, immediately halting his violent jerks from left to right.

"So what's on?" Hobbes asked, leaning against the armrest on the chair.

"Well, Spongebob is on this Nickelodeon, Danny Phantom is on the other Nickelodeon, The Pink Panther is on Boomerang, and some weird Japanese animated cartoon is on Cartoon Network."

"It's called anime, Calvin." Hobbes said.

"Whatever. So what's it gonna be?"

"Pink Panther."

"I knew it. It involves cats, so you have to see it. Sheesh."

Calvin switched it over to Boomerang.

At that very moment, Dad stepped in front of the TV.

Calvin ignored him, and looked around his legs.

"Calvin?"

No answer.

"Calvin? Are you there?"

No answer.

"Calvin!"

Calvin continued to stare at the TV, vacantly.

Dad reached over, and switched the TV off.

Calvin gasped.

"OH NO! THE ELECTRICITY'S OUT, AGAIN! DAD! HURRY! FIX IT!! WE'RE MISSING TV!!!"

It was then that Calvin became aware that... hmmm, well there was a duffel bag in his lap.

Calvin stared at it for a long time, then looked up at Dad.

"Is something significant going on right now?" He asked.

Dad sighed.

"Calvin, how many times do we have to tell you something before it finally sinks in?"

Calvin looked at Dad a little uneasily.

"Is that a trick question?"

"We're going camping." Dad said.

Calvin stared at Dad for a moment.

Then, all at once, he just... well, vanished. Into thin air.

ZOOM!

Basically, if he eats all that cereal in one sitting, he becomes energized enough to pull off Hobbes' infamous vanishing act.

And it is still a mystery on how Hobbes does it.

Dad blinked his eyes, and looked around.

The chair had completely toppled over, and there was a trail of dust leading up the stairs to Calvin's room.

Dad sighed, and walked up to the base of the stairs.

He tossed the duffel bag up, and it flew into Calvin's open door.

* * *

Would you believe that even though Calvin had gotten a head start, and was fueled up with enough sugar to fill a sandbox, Hobbes had beaten him to his room? 

I mean Hobbes was still half asleep! And there he was sitting on the bed, yawning, and rubbing his eyes!

Calvin gave him a bewildered stare.

"Hobbes, I'm not going to even bother to ask you how you did that!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Why?" He yawned.

"Because if I do, something distracting will conveniently happen, as it always does, and you'll be excused from answering it!"

"Really?" Hobbes asked. He yawned again. "Well, try it again, and see what happens. What could possible happen that would change the subject in _here?_"

Calvin thought about that.

"Okay, fine. Hobbes, how on Earth do you manage to vanish like that when something bad happens?"

Now get this, all at once, the duffel bag flew into the room, hit Calvin, and sent him tumbling into the wall.

CRASH!

Hobbes leaped up, and rushed up to Calvin, who was lying in a heap on the floor

"Calvin, are you alright? Speak to me!"

"Shut up, Hobbes!" Calvin growled, murderously.

* * *

Later that day, Calvin was still trying to think of a way to get out of going camping. 

He was not in a very good humor, either.

Around the time when Mom was supposed to make dinner, Calvin called Hobbes into the kitchen.

Hobbes walked in.

"You called?" He asked.

"Yes I did." Calvin said. "I've been thinking, what if I used the MTM to hypnotize Dad into not going camping this year?"

Hobbes gave Calvin a long stare.

"I wasn't aware your MTM could hypnotize people." He said, finally.

"I just installed it."

Calvin held up the MTM.

"Haven't quite worked all the bugs out, yet. I thought I'd try it out on you."

Hobbes stared at Calvin for a second, then, with the speed of a lightning bolt, made a mad dash for the nearest exit.

However, Calvin managed to grab his tail in time, and hold him back.

"Come on, Hobbes, I'll pay you a quarter!"

"**_NO!_**" Hobbes screamed.

"I'll give you a can of tuna!"

"**_NO!_**"

"You'll be the very first cat be hypnotized!"

"**_NO!_**"

Calvin thought for a moment.

"Think about all the poison ivy and mosquitos the size of footballs." He said.

Hobbes stopped struggling and thought for a moment.

"Hmmm," he said, tapping his chin. "Getting killed by the MTM, or getting killed by giant vampire bugs, hmmmmm..."

He turned to Calvin.

"Mind if I take my chances with the mosquitos?"

"No. Get over here."

Reluctantly, Hobbes walked over to the table.

Calvin stood in front of Hobbes, and opened up the Main Menu on the MTM.

A hologram shot out.

_You are getting sleepy._ _Very sleepy._

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the message for a long time.

Calvin grinned nervously at Hobbes.

"Okay, let me try that, again."

Calvin began pushing buttons on the MTM.

Finally, another hologram popped out.

_Welcome to the hypnotizing feature. Please hypnotize someone, so I'll have something to do._

Calvin stared at the message, shrugged, and pointed the MTM at Hobbes.

He pushed the POWER button.

_ZAAAAAP!!!_

Suddenly a beam of electricity shot out of the MTM, and headed for Hobbes.

"EEP!" Hobbes screamed, leaping out of the way.

The bolt bounced off the window, off the toaster, and headed for... oops.

_KRA-ZAPP!!_

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the remains of the ingredients for Mom's Veggie-Glop.

Which was now a pile of ashes on the counter.

Calvin held up the MTM.

"Guess I need to work on it some more." He said.

"Uh huh." Hobbes said. "Next time, go do you're little test on Socrates."

Suddenly, Mom came into the kitchen.

"Calvin, what was that noise? I heard a zap."

Mom's eyes went from Calvin, who was holding a red CD player, to the pile of ashes on the counter.

Calvin looked around.

Hobbes had disappeared.

What did you expect?

Anyway, Mom threw a fit when she found what the ashes were, she threw a bigger fit when Calvin told her his CD player did when testing a new hypnotizing feature, and threw Calvin in his room.

So, in the end, Mom and Dad ended up ordering three pizzas.

By the time the pizza guy arrived, Calvin had managed to get out of his room, and roam the house, freely again.

Those pizza guys take a long time, don't they?

Anyway, when he finally arrived, Calvin was conveniently at the door, waiting.

Before he could even ring the doorbell, the door flew open, and Calvin stood there, grinning up at him.

The teenager stared at Calvin, holding three pizza boxes, with steam rising up from them.

"Uh, did you order these?" He asked.

"Sort of." Calvin said. "How much?"

"Sixty two dollars and twenty three cents." The teenager said.

"Are you kidding!" Calvin shouted. "For three pizzas! That's crazy talk!"

"I don't price them, I just deliver." The teenager said.

Calvin thought for a second.

"Well, Dad has a steady paycheck, I'm sure he can afford it." He said. "Just wait here for Dad to pass by and see you."

And with that, Calvin raced up the stairs with his pizzas.

The teenager stood on the doorstep, confused.

* * *

Hobbes sat on Calvin's bed, reading comic books, when suddenly, Calvin burst inside, holding three pizzas. 

Hobbes looked up and stared at the grinning lunatic in front of him.

"Are your parents aware that you have their dinner up here?" He asked, finally.

"They will be, as soon as I finish eating it." Calvin said. "Now which one do you want? I have cheese, anchovies, and mushrooms."

"No, I think I'll pass on the pizzas, I've suddenly lost my appetite."

Calvin shrugged.

"Suit yourself." He said.

Calvin opened up the cheese pizza, and began chowing down on it.

* * *

Meanwhile, downstairs, the pizza guy had finally managed to get Dad's attention, by calling for him from the door. 

Dad walked up.

"Oh, hello." he said.

He looked around the pizza kid.

"Where are the pizzas?"

"That kid with the spiky hair took them." The pizza guy said. "That'll be sixty two twenty three."

Dad's brow furrowed, he threw a glance up at Calvin's room, and began writing out a check.

* * *

By this time, Calvin had managed to finish half of his cheese pizza. 

"Hobbes, you sure are missing out!" He said, between bites.

"Oh, yes, I'm sure I am." Hobbes said, not taking his eyes off of his comic book.

At that very moment, Dad burst into the room.

"Calvin! Give me those pizzas!" He ordered.

Calvin cringed, and reluctantly handed the pizzas to him.

Dad took them back downstairs, and Calvin followed.

"I'll be right back, Dad." Calvin said, once they reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Dad asked, suspiciously.

"Outside real quick, I left my Time Pauser out there, and I have to get it before an alien nation steals it and uses it to take over the world!"

Dad rolled his eyes, and carried the pizzas into the kitchen.

Calvin rushed outside, and closed the door.

He snickered to himself, and rushed off for the tool shed behind the house.

He burst inside, and looked around.

He rushed over to a pile of sawdust on the work bench, grabbed several handfuls of it, stuffed it into his pocket, then rushed back outside.

He ran into the house, and hurried into the kitchen.

Mom had her back turned to Calvin, and Dad was out of the room, doing something of no particular interest.

Calvin snuck forward, and opened up Mom and Dad's pizza boxes.

Have you guessed what Calvin has planned, yet?

Heh, heh.

Calvin took one handful after handful of sawdust out of his pockets, and sprinkled it all over Mom and Dad's pizzas.

When his pockets were empty, he quickly closed the boxes up, sat down in his chair, and waited patiently for Mom and Dad to sit down.

While he waited, Calvin took an unsharpened pencil out of his pocket.

He held it over his head, and pushed the eraser down.

-boink-

A duplicate of Calvin appeared by Calvin's side.

Calvin leaned over, and whispered, "I'm in deep trouble right now, so I want you to watch my TV show, and tell me how it ends, OK?"

The Calvinclone stared at Calvin.

"What's the show?"

"Jimmy Neutron." Calvin replied.

"OK, I'll watch it."

The duplicate ran out of the kitchen.

And just then, Mom and Dad arrived at the table, and the dinner began.

Heh, heh, heh.

Mom and Dad each took a pizza slice for themselves, and set it on their plates.

Calvin innocently took his slice, and began eating.

He cast glances over at Mom and Dad.

Mom was the first to pick up her piece, and take a huge bite out of it.

Then at the same second, Dad did the same.

There was a moment of silence in which Mom and Dad rolled it around in their mouths, trying to figure out what they had just put into it.

Mom grabbed the garbage bag from the floor, and spit into it.

Then Dad took the garbage bag from her, and spit into it.

They exchanged glances, and looked at their pizza slices.

Then their gazes drifted back up Calvin.

Amazingly, he managed to keep straight face.

"Calvin?" Mom asked, calmly.

"Yes, Mom?" Calvin asked, innocently.

"Did you throw sawdust onto our pizzas?" She asked.

There was a moment of silence.

"I guess that would be a matter of opinion." Calvin said, finally. "Some people call it wood shavings."

Before Mom and Dad could begin yelling and screaming at Calvin, the doorbell rang.

DING DONG!

"_Now_ what!" Dad demanded standing up from his chair.

Dad walked to the door, and opened it.

Would you like to guess who was behind it?

A policeman.

Dad stared at the cop for a long time.

"OK, what did my son do, now?" He asked.

The policeman chuckled, taking it as a joke.

"I just came to give you a warning, sir. I understand you're going camping, soon?"

"Tomorrow, yes." Dad said.

"Well, you should know there are a couple of burglars on the loose, and I wanted to make sure you have some security for the house."

"Sure." Dad said. "Lights go on at a specific time at night, alarm sounds if anyone breaks the door over. Stuff like that."

"Uh huh." the cop said, looking behind Dad's shoulder.

Mom was carrying a screaming Calvin up the stairs, towards his room.

Calvin gave the cop a withering glare.

"I DEMAND YOU SAVE ME!" He shouted at him. "I'M BEING KIDNAPED!"

"Anyway," Dad said, stepping in front of the policeman. "Thank you for the warning."

The policeman stared at Dad.

"Uh.. Yeah. Your welcome, just wanted to make sure you were all set."

And with that, the policeman tipped his hat, and headed back to his car.

Mom carried Calvin up to his room.

"I REFUSE TO SLEEP IN MY ROOM!" Calvin screamed.

"Why?" Mom demanded.

"Because I'm being put there against my will." Calvin replied.

Mom rolled her eyes.

"I DEMAND TO SLEEP IN THE ATTIC!" Calvin screamed.

Mom sighed.

"Fine, if you want to sleep up there with the spiders, then that's fine with me."

Calvin took Hobbes out of his room.

"Ah ha! But you forget the bed that we are so conveniently storing up there! So there!"

And with that, Calvin stormed up towards the attic.

Then, he stopped, and turned back to Mom.

"Oh and by the way, just to thicken the plot, I hereby declare that I wish I didn't have parents!" He said.

Mom stared at him.

"I hope you don't mean that." She said. "What would you do, if you woke up, and we were gone?"

Calvin thought about that.

"Well, I'd begin by pouring out some Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, then I'd sit in front of the TV, and watch it until my eyes fell out."

"Uh huh." Mom said. "Well, Why don't you say it again? Maybe it will happen."

"I hereby declare that I wish I didn't have parents." Calvin repeated.

And with that, he turned, and stormed up to the attic, with Hobbes.


	2. Home Not Really Alone

Late that night, around two in the morning, a big electric storm came through the neighborhood, pouring rain and flashing lightning.

It began raining hard over Calvin's group of houses.

And since Calvin was in the attic, he wasn't to happy with it.

Neither was Hobbes.

Actually Hobbes would have been just fine with it if Calvin hadn't of sat up immediately, to begin complaining about it.

So yes, both Calvin and Hobbes were pretty miserable up there.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky, and struck a telephone pole, sending waves of electricity going through the lines.

Instantly, all the houses on Calvin's block lost their electricity.

* * *

Meanwhile in Mom and Dad's room, the alarm clock next to their bed flickered, then died completely.

Oops.

Well, the storm did its damage, then it drifted away to wherever it is storms go when they're done setting up plots.

So, as you can expect, since the alarm went out, Mom and Dad were unable to wake up at the appropriate time, so they slept in.

Pretty late actually.

When Dad's eyes finally came open, he was shocked to learn that he hadn't woken up early at four o'clock in the morning!

Uh huh.

Then he was even more shocked to learn that his alarm clock was dead!

Dad rolled over, and checked his watch.

There was a moment of silence.

Then, Dad leaped out of bed, and shouted, "DEAR! WAKE UP!"

Mom shot up in bed, her eyes wide, and looked around.

"What?" She asked.

"THE ELECTRICITY'S OUT! WE'RE LATE!"

Mom stared at him for a long time.

"You mean we're on a schedule?" She asked, finally.

Dad ignored her, and frantically began getting dressed.

"You gather our bags up! I'll get Calvin out of bed!"

Mom sighed, and got out of bed, still half asleep.

She got dressed, and began gathering up her and Dad's bags.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dad rushed upstairs towards Calvin's room.

Calvin and Hobbes had gotten zero sleep last night, due to the storm, so they were now sleeping in late.

Now here's where things get interesting.

Since Mom was still half asleep she had not informed Dad that Calvin had decided to take up residence in the attic, so Dad assumed Calvin was in his bed.

He opened Calvin's bedroom door, and ran inside.

There, he saw, not Calvin, but Calvin's duplicate!

You see, after finishing Calvin's show, the duplicate discovered that Calvin was in the attic, complaining.

Not wanting to be bothered with this, the duplicate went into Calvin's room, climbed into his bed, and fell asleep.

Dad ran up to him.

"CALVIN!" He shouted. "What are you doing still in bed! Get up! Get up! We're late!"

The duplicate shot out of bed at the sudden noise that had disturbed his slumber.

"What? Who? When?" He yelled, looked around.

"Calvin, get dressed!" Dad yelled. "We should have left three hours ago!"

The duplicate stared at Calvin.

"Uhhh... Calvin? I'm not Calvin. I'm a duplicate."

Dad was, apparently, not in the mood for another "I'm not Calvin, I'm a duplicate" day, so he shoved Calvin's duffel bag into the duplicate's arms and ushered him downstairs.

The confused duplicate ran out of Calvin's room, taking the duffel bag with him.

Unfortunately, the duffel bag that the duplicate carried contained Calvin's inventions.

The Time Pauser, the hypercube, the Transmogrifier gun, The Scream Horn, it is was all there.

Except for the box inventions (The Time Machine/Duplicator/Transmogrifier), that thing was still in the closet.

Oh, and Calvin's MTM, which he had forgotten to store back into the duffel bag yesterday. That sat on Calvin's desk.

The duplicate ran out of Calvin's room, holding the bag.

Whoops.

* * *

There was a mad scramble around the house, in which Mom tried to fix a breakfast, Dad ran around telling everyone to hurry up, and the duplicate running around, still completely baffled to what was going on.

Dad started throwing duffel bags at the door.

The duplicate ran up to them.

"What's going on?!" He shouted.

Dad didn't answer.

He was in such a mad hurry to get out of the house that he didn't hear the duplicate.

Finally, Dad managed to shove everyone out of the house, the duplicate still screaming he wasn't Calvin, and somehow managed to cram them and the baggage into the car.

Heh.

He was in such of a hurry he accidently put Mom in the back seat and the duplicate in the front.

After Mom sorted it all out, and put the duplicate in the backseat, Dad ushered her into the car, slammed the door ran around to the other side, leaped into the car, started it, and drove off.

Away from the house.

Which still held Calvin and Hobbes.

Ho boy.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes continued to sleep in.

It took them another two hours to wake up.

By that time, it was 11 the morning, and the day was basically half over.

Calvin woke up, and rubbed some sleep out of his eyes.

He yawned.

He checked his watch.

His eyes popped open.

"HOBBES WOKE UP! WE SLEPT IN! _WE'RE MISSING SPONGEBOB!!!_"

Hobbes shot out of bed.

"HELP! MURDER! MAYDAY!!"

He landed back on the bed, and his eyes rolled around for a few minutes.

Then they came into focus.

He stared at Calvin for a long time.

"Is there any particular reason you just screamed and yelled bloody murder at me?" He asked, calmly.

Calvin showed him his watch.

Hobbes stared at it for a second.

"Huh, we slept in."

Calvin and Hobbes leaped out of the bed, and raced downstairs.

Well, Calvin did.

Hobbes slowly got out, yawned, stretched, and started towards the attic door.

In that same amount of time, Calvin leaped out of bed, woke everyone within a two mile radius with his loud "Summer rocks" screech, raced downstairs, poured out some Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs into the biggest bowl he could find, poured chocolate milk into it, sprinkled three spoonfuls of sugar onto it, raced into the livingroom with it, spilling some milk on the way, switched on the TV, changed it to Nickelodeon, and began gobbling it in front of Spongebob.

Hobbes came down the stairs, and walked up to Calvin.

Calvin glared at up at him, but didn't sat anything.

The minutes passed.

Soon Spongebob ended, and Calvin and Hobbes got stuck watching that weird anime show on Cartoon Network.

It was basically just a bunch of people screaming at each other, and dramatically leaping through the air.

And every time the characters screamed, their heads grew to large sizes, they lost their pupils, several of their veins showed, and their arms were replaced with flesh-colored poles, which were being flailed up and down, constantly.

Basic anime, in other words.

Calvin and Hobbes got a whole two minutes into it, before they agreed to watch the Pink Panther on Boomerang.

After about three or four minutes into that, before Hobbes noticed something missing.

"Say, Calvin?"

"Hmmm?" Calvin asked, before bites.

"Where are your parents?"

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin stopped chewing.

He looked around.

"I, uh, don't know."

Calvin set his bowl on the coffee table, and stood up.

"MOOOM!! DAAAAAD!!"

Calvin paused, and listened.

No answer.

Calvin thought for a second.

"MOTHER!! FATHER!!!"

No answer.

"MAAAAA! PAAAAA! MOMMY! DADDDDY! MOMMA! PAPA!!!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

Calvin glared at him.

"I'm testing out all the other names to see if they'll come in here, shocked at the fact that I'm calling them stuff I've never called them before."

Hobbes continued to stare at him.

"I think you called them Mommy and Papa when you were three."

"Shut up."

Calvin crossed his arms, and looked around.

"MOM! DAD! WHERE ARE YOU!"

No answer.

Calvin walked into the kitchen.

They weren't there.

He checked the bedroom.

They weren't there, either.

Calvin walked back down to Hobbes.

"I dunno, Hobbes. They have to be around here, somewhere."

Calvin thought for a moment.

"And now when I think of it, I don't think I deleted my duplicate from last night..."

"What?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, I duplicated myself last night." Calvin said.

He cupped his hands to his mouth.

"DUPLICATE!!!"

There was a moment of silence.

The duplicate didn't answer.

There was a moment of silence.

"Calvin?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes, Hobbes?"

"Weren't your parents supposed to go camping, today?"

There was another moment of silence.

"Yeah, they were." Calvin said, slowly.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Then, slowly, they looked out the window at the garage.

It was empty.

Calvin and Hobbes turned back around, and stared at each other.

"They left." Calvin said.

"Without us." Hobbes said.

"With the duplicate of me." Calvin said.

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin thought for a moment.

"And that means..."

Calvin rushed upstairs.

He checked his room.

He looked around frantically.

Hobbes came in.

"What is it?" He asked.

"My duffle bag!" Calvin yelled. "The duplicate took my duffle bag!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"So? What did you have in it? Clothes?"

Calvin glared at him.

"My inventions! My inventions were in that bag! The duplicate took them all, and now we're defenseless!"

There was a moment of silence.

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

Then, he dropped to his knees, pumped his fists into the air, and screamed, "THANK YOU!!!"

Then he stood back up, and faced Calvin.

"How unfortunate." He coughed.

Calvin glared at him.

He turned around and thought for a moment.

Then he remembered.

"_We're going camping!_"

"_OK, what did my son do now?_"

"_How many times do we have to tell you something before it sinks in?_"

Calvin nodded slowly.

Then a wide grin spread across his face.

This worried Hobbes greatly.

"Oh great." He murmured. "Here we go, again. Prepare the helmets and shields."


	3. In Search of the Store

Calvin rushed into the kitchen and screamed.

"MOOOOM!! DAAAAAD!!! I'VE DECIDED ON BEHALF OF MYSELF, THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE ICE CREME FOR BREAKFAST!!! SO LIVE WITH IT!!"

He raced over to the freezer, and yanked out the Cookies 'n' Creme, pulled out a spoon, and walked back into the livingroom, gobbling it down out of the jug.

Hobbes watched.

"Come, tiger of this house," Calvin exclaimed. "As we devour frozen dairy products in Mom and Dad's bedroom!"

Hobbes stared at him for a moment.

"Are you sure this is wise? Do you even know when Mom and Dad are coming back?"

"One week." Calvin said. "They will be gone for one week. That will be enough time to cram in all the nothing we need to do."

"Don't you think we should call the canoe shop, that Dad always stops by, to warn them?"

"What and ruin the fun?" Calvin demanded. "Hobbes, this is our big chance! For an entire week we can jump on the beds, throw water balloons at Susie without getting in trouble, and scream curse words in the house!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Uh huh." He said. "And how many curse words do you know?"

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

"Well, if the stupid TV didn't put beeps in the way every time someone said one, I'd know tons. But I'm sure we'll think of something."

Calvin started towards the stairs.

"Care to join me in my mission to discover the effects on one's body while bouncing up and down on a bed, and eating ice creme at the same time?"

Hobbes sighed.

"No, I'm just going to go out back, and throw up, if you don't mind."

And with that, Hobbes walked out.

Calvin watched him go.

"Very well, I shall have to begin the mission without you!"

Calvin turned and rushed upstairs with the ice creme.

For the next few hours, Calvin partied like there was no tomorrow.

He jumped on the bed, had races through the house, stood on the table, ate whatever he wanted, watched whatever he wanted, and basically just did what he would do if he was the last person left on the planet.

Hobbes, meanwhile, laid on the floor in the livingroom, using his crayons in a wild cat coloring book.

He rolled his eyes as Calvin flew through the house screaming and throwing toilet paper everywhere.

Soon though, disaster struck.

The fridge became half empty.

Calvin stared at the contents in the fridge.

They were completely out of ice creme, pickles, peanut butter, burgers, hot dogs, and tuna, which Hobbes had been munching on since the beginning of the day.

Calvin tapped his chin in thought.

"Hey, Hobbes!" He yelled.

"What?" Asked Hobbes from another room.

"We're out of some essential food items! And tuna! What should we do?"

"Does this require for me to stand up?" Asked Hobbes.

"Yes, I believe so." Calvin said, his brow furrowing.

"Darn."

There was a moment of silence, then Hobbes came walking into the room, holding a red crayon in one hand, and the coloring book in the other.

"Did you need something?" He asked.

"Hobbes," Calvin began. "I was wondering, do you think we'd be able to pass off a trip to the grocery store for some more food?"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Why? Are we out?"

Calvin glared at him.

"YES, we're out! That's the entire reason I called you in here!"

"Huh."

There was a moment of silence.

"Well?" Calvin asked. "Do you think we could pull it off?"

"Why couldn't we?" Hobbes asked.

"Because... umm, well..." Calvin thought for a moment. "OK, Hobbes, how much money do you have?"

Hobbes shrugged.

"Don't look at me, I'm broke." He said.

"What about that dollar I gave you for tanking my bath, the other day!"

"Spent it on a Heresy's bar." Hobbes replied.

"Huh." Calvin said. "Well, let's see what I have."

Calvin walked up to his bedroom, and returned with his piggy bank.

He popped the cap off, poured the contents out over the table, and rooted through the various coins and occasional dollar bill.

"OK, I have about seventy three dollars and eleven cents."

There a long moment of silence.

Hobbes gave Calvin a long unblinking stare.

Calvin stared back.

"What?"

"Seventy three dollars and eleven cents?" He repeated.

Calvin glared at him.

"OK, maybe it's _eleven_ dollars and seventy three cents, but what's the difference? Come on, let's search the house for more money."

Calvin and Hobbes went through the house, perusing more money.

It took several hours.

But finally, they found enough coins and coupons to bring the total up to twenty four dollars.

"Alright, Hobbes!" Calvin said, slipping his shoes on. "Do you have the list?"

Hobbes yawned.

"Yes, I have it."

He picked a piece of paper off of the table, and read off, "pickles, Cookies 'n' Creme, tuna, peanut butter, hot dogs, ham burgers, ham burger buns, ketchup, mustard, and chocolate chip cookie mix."

"Excellent! Shall we depart?"

"Only if you stop talking like that." Hobbes said.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and he and Hobbes left the house.

"Well, Hobbes," Calvin said, as he stepped out onto the porch. "Any plans for today's agenda?"

"Not exactly." Hobbes said, slowly. "I haven't really gave it much thought."

"I was thinking we could trap my killer bicycle, take it up to Sneer Hill, and push it off the edge!"

"Uh huh." Hobbes said.

"Then we could take my box out to the moon!"

"Sure."

"After that, we could..."

"Calvin are you sure this is the direction to the store?"

Calvin gave Hobbes a glare.

"Yes, Hobbes, I'm sure that this is the direction to the store! What do I look like, an imbecile?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Oh, that was something you wanted me to answer?" Hobbes asked, suddenly.

Calvin glared at him.

"Never mind, I know where I'm going, Hobbes, and you can just keep your smart remarks to yourself, got it?!"

"You're shoe's untied."

"GOT IT!!!"

"Got it."

"Good."

And with that, Calvin turned to start walking away...

And immediately tripped over his loose shoe lace.

"AAAAAAAUGH!!!"

_**CRASH!!!**_

There was another moment of silence.

Hobbes looked down at Calvin.

"Calvin? Are you alright? I tried to warn you."

"Shut up." Calvin warned.

"Righto."

Calvin stood up, dusted himself off, tied his shoes, and then continued walking without saying another word to Hobbes.

Guess what happened to them after another five minutes of walking?

They got lost, of course.

And Calvin blamed this on Hobbes for distracting him after they left.

Uh huh.

"Well, Calvin, why don't you just ask for directions?" Hobbes asked, as he and Calvin walked down the sidewalk.

"No." Calvin said. "I'm not stooping to that level."

"Uh huh." Hobbes said. "Well, why don't we turn around, and head back in the right direction?"

"No, because that's the wrong direction." Calvin replied.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Or, we could just continue walking here until we either fall off the planet or till we come to a grocery store."

"Works for me." Calvin said.

Hobbes sighed.

They continued walking.

Several cars whizzed by them.

This went on for another half hour.

By that time it was dark, and almost time for the store to close.

"Are you ready to take my advice, now?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin growled in frustration, and glared at Hobbes.

"Fine, Hobbes, we'll walk the other way! And when we come to a dead end, don't come crying to me!!"

Calvin and Hobbes turned around, and started walking in the other direction.

Soon, they past their house, again, and they were back to where they started.

They kept on walking.

And pretty soon, they ended up in, uh, town, so to speak.

They kept walking.

Soon after that, Hobbes reached his finger out, and shouted, "Hey, Calvin! There's the store! We found it! Are you proud of me?!"

Calvin gave Hobbes an icy glare.

"Oh yes, very proud." He growled.

Calvin and Hobbes walked off towards the store.

But before they past it, they passed a green van, which was parked in an empty driveway.

They paid no notice to it.

Neither did the people in the van.

Which just happened to be a couple of burglers.


	4. The Shopping Chapter

Ralph and Harvey sat in the green van, discussing their next raid.

Ralph was about five or six feet tall. He had glasses on, had sharp features, he had black hair and was wearing a green army jacket.

Harvey was a bit shorter than Ralph. He had round features, and was wearing a black trench coat. Harvey was bald.

Paying no attention as a small six year old with a stuffed tiger raced by, Ralph and Harvey planned their attack.

"OK." Ralph said, holding up a slip of paper. "I have a list of all the people who have gone out on a summer vacation."

Harvey rubbed his hands together.

"Who?" He asked, eagerly.

Ralph cleared his throat.

"Ahem. The Machecks are out to Florida, The Stanleys are in Mexico, The Watsons are in Ohio, and the..."

Ralph paused.

He stared at the name in front of him.

"They have such a weird name, I can't pronounce it. But they have a kid called Calvin. And they're out camping."

Harvey grinned.

"Great, so where are we going to start?"

Ralph chuckled.

"Right here. The Machecks here supposedly have some fine jewelry."

"What about the lock?" Harvey asked.

Ralph started at him.

"What about the lock?" He asked.

"Well, won't we have trouble with the lock?"

"Have we ever?"

"Um..."

"Unlock the lock. Take the lock out. Go in through a window. The lock is irrelvent." Ralph said.

"You mean irrelevant?"

"What?"

"You said irrelvent, it's pronounced irrelevant."

"Do you want to break into the house or correct my spelling?"

"Well..."

"Shut up. Let's go. Don't let anyone see."

And with that, Ralph and Harvey exited the van, took a couple of crowbars, and began to sneak towards the house.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes had entered the grocery store.

"Alright, Hobbes." Calvin said. "We'll split up to cover more ground, OK?"

"Why, are we in a hurry?" Hobbes asked.

"Shut up. Now, you go that way, and pick up all the stuff we need down there."

Calvin handed Hobbes another copy of the list.

"I'll go this way, to pick up the more important things!"

"Uh huh."

There was a moment of silence.

"OK, let's get started." Calvin said.

"Get right on it." Hobbes yawned.

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes went their separate ways.

* * *

Calvin headed towards the cereal isle.

He began scanning the shelves.

"Hmmm, Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Captain Crunch... Man, how do these companies stay in business?"

There was a moment of silence.

"AH here we are! Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs!"

Uh huh.

Calvin picked the box up, and read the back.

"Part of a well balanced diet. Supplies your recommended daily need for caffeine and some other important vitamin." He read. "Do not use chocolate milk."

Calvin shrugged, and threw the box into the cart.

"They really need to make the boxes bigger." He said.

He turned around to go, when suddenly, he noticed another cereal box.

_Peanut Butter Frosted Sugar Bombs_

Calvin stared at it for a long time.

Then he grabbed it off the shelf, and threw it into the cart.

He started to leave, but then saw another one.

_Cinnamon Frosted Sugar Bombs_

Calvin grinned, and took that one off.

He looked ahead.

_Chocolate Peanut Butter Cinnamon Frosted Sugar Bombs. With Marshmallows!_

Calvin chuckled, and threw that into the cart as well.

As well as a few others he found.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes, went walking down the isle.

He was studying the list, and tapping his chin.

"OK, so we need some pickles."

Hobbes started down one of the isles.

He scanned the shelves.

He didn't see any pickles.

Hobbes' brow furrowed, as he scanned it for the third time.

"Hmm, what a dilemma." He said to himself.

Suddenly, a woman wearing the grocery store uniform, and a tag that said, "_How may I help you?_" came walking in the isle.

Hobbes ignored her for a second as she started filing through cans her, back to Hobbes.

Finally Hobbes gave up, and turned around to face the employee.

"Excuse me, miss, would you happen to know where I could find the pickles?" he asked, casually.

"Certainly." The employee said, turning around. "They're right down at the end of... the..."

She looked around.

There was no one there.

Only a stuffed tiger sat in front of her, giving her a blank stare.

She stared at the stuffed animal.

"...isle." She finished.

She rubbed her head, and turned back around.

"I need to stop having third cups of coffee in the morning." She said to herself.

"Thank you." Said the voice again.

The woman whirled around.

The stuffed tiger had vanished.

No, I don't get it, either.

Hobbes picked up the pickles, and threw it into his basket.

Then he continued, whistling to himself.

* * *

In the meantime, Calvin was over at the freezers, studying the various flavors of ice creme they had available.

It was a tough decision.

Especially since he had already decided to spend half of the money on all the cereal he had in the cart.

"Hmmm." Calvin said, tapping his chin. "Do we want the usual Cookies 'n' Creme? Or perhaps some of that Killer Caramel? The Peanut Butter / Chocolate looks good, too."

Calvin continued to stare at the selections before him.

Then he saw it.

Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs flavored ice creme.

Calvin stared at it for a long time.

He grinned.

"Gee whiz, these people make everything!"

Calvin yanked it out of the freezer, and tossed it into the cart.

"They sure do have a lot of these." Calvin said, studying the shelf. "I'm surprised they didn't sell out the day they got them."

And with that, Calvin walked off with the ice creme.

* * *

Hobbes, meanwhile, had collected the pickles, hot dogs, hot dog buns, ham burgers, ham burger buns, and cheese.

All he needed now was the tuna.

Hobbes walked down the isles, looking for the tuna.

"Let me see here." He thought out loud. "I like the Chicken of the Sea a lot more than what Kirkland puts out, so that should be my target."

Hobbes studied the shelves.

"Maybe I should ask another employee..." He began.

He looked around.

There wasn't one in sight.

Hobbes turned back to the shelves.

"Well, I guess if it all came down to it, Kirkland would be OK."

Hobbes went through the shelves, again.

He scratched his head in confusion.

"You'd think these people would put the good stuff out for everyone to see."

There was a moment of silence.

Hobbes leaned over, and pushed a package of Kirkland out of the way.

There was the Chicken of the Sea, hidden behind all the other packages.

Hobbes grinned.

"Smarties." He chuckled.

He took a couple packages, and added it to his basket.

He checked his list.

"Well, that's about everything. Except the ice."

Hobbes put the list away, and began walking towards the checkout.

Have we ever discussed Hobbes' fur?

Maybe not.

He has these little pocket things on each side of his legs. It's like he's wearing jeans. But its fur.

Mom, with the help of her sewing basket, had personally installed them, after Calvin had demanded to know why Hobbes didn't have them.

So whenever Hobbes has a piece of paper or whatever that he doesn't want to hold in his hand, he just slips it away into his little "pocket".

* * *

Calvin, meanwhile, had to finished shopping, and he started to walk back to where he and Hobbes had started out.

Calvin rolled the cart up to the checkout stand.

Soon afterward, Hobbes came, bearing his basket of food.

"OK, Hobbes, the shopping has been done. What do you have?"

"I have what was on the list." Hobbes said. "I don't think the audience wants to hear it again."

"Uh huh, well, I got some Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bomb flavored ice creme, Peanut Butter Frosted Sugar Bombs, Cinnamon Frosted Sugar Bombs, Chocolate Peanut Butter Cinnamon Frosted Sugar Bombs, Chocolate Peanut Butter Cinnamon Frosted Sugar Bombs with marshmallows, Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs toothpaste, Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs scented lip balm, The autobiography of William "Hyper" Spring, inventor of the Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs cereal, and some Willy Wonka flavored Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs."

There was a long moment of silence.

Hobbes gave Calvin an unblinking stare.

"So in other words, I did all the shopping." He said, pointing at himself.

"Correct. Now then, all this stuff plus what you have will bring our total up to..."

Calvin began typing some things into a calculator.

"Twenty five, forty five."

His grin dropped.

"Oops." He said.

"What?" Hobbes asked.

"We only have twenty four dollars." Calvin said, putting the calculator away. "We're gonna have to put something back."

Calvin and Hobbes stared into each other's eyes.

"I was waiting for you to volunteer, perhaps...?" Calvin began, moving his hand around.

Hobbes sighed.

"Calvin, you have all that junk there in that cart. Just put that stupid autobiography back. Or better yet, all of it!"

"Hobbes, I have been insulted." Calvin said, defensively. "Telling me to put back my cereal is like telling me to put back my soul! This cereal is who I am!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Fine, I'll put the pickles away." Hobbes said, picking them out of the basket.

"A fine idea." Calvin said. "Pickles are horrible! I have no idea why I added them to the list!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and set the pickles back onto a shelf.

He walked back to Calvin.

Calvin gave him the thumbs up, and he rolled it into the checkout.

The woman gave Calvin a stare.

"Hello." She said.

"Greetings!" Calvin said. "I'd like to buy all of this!"

"I'm sure you do."

The woman began running the items through the checkout.

Rolling her eyes with each one.

Finally, she ran the last one through.

"That will be twenty four fifty three, please." She said.

Calvin reached into his pocket, and piled a bunch of coins and coupons onto the counter.

"Will this cover it?" He asked

The woman stared at the pile.

She sighed.

"Kid, you can't buy things like this."

"Yes I can, watch."

Calvin reached over, and quickly separated the quarters, dimes, and pennies into dollars, and set the coupons aside.

"There ya go." He said.

The woman gave Calvin a glare, sighed, and started piling everything into the register.

"Have a nice day." She said, handing Calvin a couple of bags.

"I thank-eth you for your kind words!" Calvin said, grabbing the bags away.

The woman rolled her eyes.

Calvin handed Hobbes a bag, and they set out for the exit.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ralph and Harvey had just finished their raid.

They had taken several pieces of jewelry, the big screen plasma TV, the DVD player, and a couple quarters Harvey found behind the couch.

"Well, another successful mission, Harvey." Ralph grinned, pushing the big screen into the back of the van. "We really struck gold, this time!"

Harvey was piling all the jewelry into the glove compartment.

"Yup!" He chuckled.

Ralph came around to the front.

"Come on, let's get out of here before someone sees us." He said.

Ralph and Harvey got into the car.

Ralph started the engine.

It rolled over, but didn't start.

"Stupid van!" Ralph growled, twisting the key left and right.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were walking down the sidewalk, each holding a bag.

Calvin was babbling about how he couldn't wait to try out all of his new cereal, and Hobbes was watching birds and butterflies fly by.

They were fifteen feet from the Machecks' house.

Ralph was still trying to get the van started.

He was having no luck.

Harvey watched, quietly, as Ralph yelled and fumed at the van.

Suddenly, and just as Calvin and Hobbes were passing, the van started.

"OK, there we go." Ralph said. "Now let's..."

Calvin walked right into the way of the driveway.

He heard the vroom of a van starting.

He looked up.

There was a green van bumping down the driveway towards him.

His eyes bulged.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!_**" He screamed, throwing his hands into the air.

The van screeched to a stop.

Ralph stuck his head out the window.

"HEY! KID!" He yelled. "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!"

Calvin's face was red.

"WATCH WHERE _I'M_ GOING! YOU IDIOTS NEARLY RAN ME OVER! YOU SHALL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER!!!"

"_Idiots!_" Ralph growled, dangerously. "What was that?!"

Calvin angrily gathered his stuff together, and commanded to Hobbes that they would continue.

Ralph and Harvey glared at him as he walked by them.

"What are we going to do?" Harvey asked.

Ralph glared after Calvin.

"Nothing." He said. "We're going to go on to our next house. We have better things to do than chase a bratty little kid."


End file.
